one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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