who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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