Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
