did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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