Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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