you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
