It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
