did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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