God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
wanna go halves on a baby?
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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