Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
