I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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