wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
