you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
