Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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