Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
