your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
