Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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