You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
