In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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