I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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