wat bout pragnant strippers??
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
