It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
