doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
