I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize