2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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