Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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