I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
