Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize