...so i touched it.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
