North Korea, Best Korea!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
