he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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