just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Randomize
