found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
