I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
