My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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