I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
