You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
