just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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