I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
