kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
40s are totally the cure
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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