I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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