I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
