How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize