just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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