In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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