Where is the hickey?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize