so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i drank out of a bidet.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize