We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
