my mouth tastes like poor choices
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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