we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
