That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize