i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
