well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
