I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
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