Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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