is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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