The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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