Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I look better un-naked...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
