thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
