'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
