I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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