She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
