I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
