Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
