My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The feeling are messing with the penis
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
