hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She bit a glass in half.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
