I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
