I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
