i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I will be naked everywhere
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Randomize
