just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
