The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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