I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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